Finding Love In Your 30's

Are you a driven and accomplished woman with an impressive track record of achievements? Do you feel like there’s still so much more you want to give? You’ve broken barriers and shattered expectations in a gender-divided industry, refusing to play small and thriving alongside the big players. But amidst your success, you’ve experienced disrupted relationships and struggled to find the right partner. Deep down, you know that something is missing—love.

Success often comes at a price, as a wise friend once said. But can we truly have it all? Success, financial stability, and love? I firmly believe that we can. While the world may have certain expectations for success based on specific behaviors, dating and relationships can be more complex. So, why is it so challenging to find the right man?

Perhaps you’ve fallen into what I call the Cinderella syndrome—expecting a fairy tale romance. You yearn for his call, subject him to secret tests to assess his worthiness, and hope for those three magical words and immediate commitment. You desire grand gestures of love, undying loyalty, and to be his number one priority. These desires are valid and attainable, but it’s important to remember that most men don’t think in the same way. They have their own responsibilities, jobs, families, and past failed relationship experiences. Men are human too—they crave affection and have their own desires and priorities. If they don’t know you well, what have you shown them to earn their value and romantic attention above all else? Sometimes, setting high and unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment. Instead, take the time to get to know someone, create meaningful experiences together, and learn how to be in a relationship while effectively communicating your needs.

EXERCISE 1

To truly understand if your values align and if you are compatible with a potential partner, ask meaningful questions. Here are a few examples:

1. What do you do for a living, and what motivates you in your career?
2. How would you describe your ideal lifestyle?
3. Can you share a significant life moment that had a profound impact on you?
4. If you were planning the ultimate date, what would it look like?

Criticism often mirrors our own self-criticism. It’s common for women to scrutinize their date’s appearance, dress sense, or even interpret their horoscope to identify potential red flags or disadvantages. This constant criticism is exhausting and often stems from our own lack of self-love. Just as you scrutinize yourself in the mirror, picking at flaws and leaving little room for self-acceptance, this attitude can spill over into your relationships. Remember, no relationship is perfect. They require growth, vulnerability, and acceptance, which sometimes means meeting someone where they are and accepting them for things that may not be the most important in the grand scheme of things.

EXERCISE 2

Reflect on three things you often criticize yourself for.

 Consider how you came to believe these criticisms to be true. Now, flip those criticisms into compliments.

 Embrace these compliments into your life, “Even though I may still struggle with ‘CRITICISM’ I still fully love and appreciate myself.”

Recognize that the version of you that shows up in the workplace should remain there. Relationships are spaces for vulnerability, trust, and growth. Prepare to change and progress naturally with your partner as you build your dream life step by step. Consider the type of person you want to be in a relationship—your values, level of affection, and love language.

Question the expectations set by your parents and cultural background. Mixed heritage backgrounds often bring insights into diverse cultural upbringings, including the barriers they can present in choosing a life partner. The criteria for an ideal partner can become lengthy and even unattainable. This is an opportunity for a reality check. While the consequences of choosing a partner against your parents’

As a trailblazing woman who has achieved exceptional success in a male-dominated industry, it’s important to recognize that finding love can be challenging amidst the sacrifices and disrupted relationships that accompany such accomplishments. However, by managing expectations, embracing self-love, and approaching relationships with authenticity, patience, and an open mind, it is possible to have it all—success, finance, and love. Shift your perspective, focus on building genuine connections, and remember that relationships are a journey of growth, vulnerability, and acceptance. Trust in yourself, be true to your values, and never settle for anything less than the love you deserve.